.Tuesday, April 28, 2009 ' 9:50 PM
xxx
i'm losing hope in life again... whatever effort i'm putting in now doesnt seem to be having any results... or maybe the results just wont be out so soon... and i'm just too impatient...
what can i say except to blame myself for the rash and stupid decisions i've made... and now, i'm just losing myself into despair... i know i'm fucking stupid to do this... but i just wanna emo... at least for now...
i know clearly whats wrong and what to do... but i prefer to run away... just like all other beings, i wanna run away from all my problems and hopefully, it'll just disappear...
just like how a vehicle cant move without fuel... i'm someone who has no motivation to move on... i'm tired of having to go through hardship... i dread it... really...
but again, this isnt the worst time in my life... i've been through worst stuff and made it through happily...
i'm very contradicting... very very very...
i know what i want but i'm not working towards it... i know well enough that life is full of ups and downs...
too much cruel facts of life i know just demoralise me damn a lot... making me so dont wanna move on... life's just so damn unfair... but what have i done to be deserve to be treated fairly...
i really wanna move on and i know i damn have to... at least for someone... or at least for myself...
.Friday, April 24, 2009 ' 10:28 PM
xxx
the blog is really one place where one can be as emo as anyone can...
i'm sick again...
sick of my life...
.Tuesday, April 21, 2009 ' 12:11 AM
xxx
it's been quite a while since i last logged in...
i totally devote my time to my job...
reality just sucks...why?the results at the end of the day dont necesary tally with the efforts put in...like climbing up the great wall of china...
the stairs are of uneven level...
very slippery during winter...
a weak grip...
causes you to fall a few steps back?
i guess not...
each time i slip and fall...
i fall hard...
back to square one...
with no one to help...
tormented and fragile...
left alone to fight the cold...
it's back to step 1 up the stairs...
who can survive?
who wants to survive?
if only the heart would stop...hope is lost...
